YAP Blog - Youth Advisory Program!

Roomie Relationships

As you guys know I’m a freshman in college. I am also an only child, so having my own room for 18 years did not help the process of adapting to a roommate any easier. Being a member of the Crimson Summer Academy (CSA) at Harvard helped me a little bit with the roommate situation. Basically, CSA is a program that you begin the summer before your sophomore year in high school. You take classes during the summer and live on the Harvard campus. (It’s a great program to be a part of and if you are a freshman in high school, you should definitely consider talking to your guidance counselor about it.) Even though we had roommates throughout the summer it really wasn’t the same as college because we had a chance to interact with all of our classmates during orientation, so they weren’t complete strangers. It was also different because we shared a suite with roommates, but usually most people within the suites had singles. For example, I actually only had to share my sleeping room during the third summer. I had singles during the first two summers, which I honestly loved. Sharing my room the third summer wasn’t so bad because it was with one of my close friends. We had similar personalities, cultures, and were comfortable around each other.

As you might imagine, living with someone from a different culture who has different customs, a different personality, etc. can be very challenging. Let’s say that you tend to be a neat person and your roommate tends to be messy. It may annoy you because even though your side is neat, the rooms are so small that it looks messy, even if one side is tidy. What’s important is to talk about the stuff that bothers you. Time will tell if you can come to an agreement about things so you can get along as roommates.

Here are some tips that may help you get along with your roommate(s):

Speak up for yourself. People don’t automatically know what bothers you. So, if something about your roommate bugs you, let him or her know and try to work it out.

Learn how to compromise. You can’t always have it your way. After all the room doesn’t belong just to you. You both have equal rights.

Talk to your RA or someone in the housing department if things get worse. They are trained in mediation and can usually can help resolve most roommate issues.

-Erica

A personal lesson about Respect and Trust

Some of you may remember that I went to the Dominican Republic this summer to visit my extended family. I had a blast. Going swimming, the music, the freedom, and seeing family made everything so much better. I’m 18, but my mom doesn’t believe that my age gives me the freedom to do whatever I want. When I’m home (in Boston) I’m not allowed to stay out late, go to parties, or do things that most teenagers do. While I was in DR I had a lot more freedom. I stayed with my grandmother, who is also very strict but for some reason gave me the keys to her house. This basically meant that I could come and go whenever I wanted, but … not really. I mean, she gave me the keys to her house which meant that she trusted me, but it also meant I couldn’t do her wrong. So, I always went home at a reasonable time, which is probably the reason she never told me to give back her keys. She also knew that I never went out alone. DR is just as dangerous if not more so then Boston, so I always went out with a big group of family and friends. What I realized is that I earned my grandmother’s trust by respecting her rules.

-Erica

Teen Dating & Violence

It's Ty,

So we all know about the whole situation with the pop superstars Chris Brown and Rihanna. Regardless of what the tabloids may say, domestic violence is not okay and it should not be condoned in any way, shape, or form. Nobody deserves to be verbally or physically abused. In a survey conducted by channel 4 news, most teens said that it was Rihanna’s fault that she was hit, and that she must have provoked him. This just shows that teens are trying to find excuses for teen dating violence. But, the reality is, there are NO excuses!

If you are in a relationship where you feel unsafe or threatened, get out of it immediately, do not stick around. And for all my boys, putting your hands on a female does not make you “cool”, nor does it make you a man. So if you feel like you are about to say or do something that may be harmful to your significant other, walk away and cool off, and realize the mistake that you are about to make. Just like Chris Brown, you will never be able to fully live this down. The same goes for the ladies as well. Though it may sound weird, women can be just as abusive as men can.

If you have any questions about safety in your relationship, visit our guide online at: youngwomenshealth.org/safety_in_relat.html.

-Ty

Girl Talk!

People usually come to me for help seeking advice on certain situations. I always like when people ask me for my opinion and advice because it makes me feel like I am making a difference in a person’s life. I consider myself a very caring and social person. I learned to become non-judgmental because personally I have dealt with experiences that I would not like to be judged on.  I understand that all humans make mistakes and that they should not become the only way you view a person. Perhaps that’s why people, especially my friends, come to me with their problems.

One of a girl’s most common problems involves boys. Most of my girls come to me with their boy drama. Usually it's something typical like –– I think he’s cheating on me, should I break up with him? –– and more. One of my friends told me that she was thinking about breaking up with her boyfriend. This is also one of the girls that told me she loved him. I asked her why she wanted to break up with him and she told me that it had to do with the possibility of him cheating. I did not want to influence her decision either way because if the results were unfavorable I did not want her to blame it on me. I talked to her and told her that before she did anything that she was going to regret, she should calm down and talk to him. Even if she did end up breaking up with him, at least she would have had the satisfaction of knowing that she talked to him, cleared things up, tried to fix things and didn’t just break up with him over a misunderstanding- which later would add on to the pain of knowing she broke up with the boy she claimed to love.

With that being said, even if your problems range from being stressed because of school, a boy, family, or other things make sure you talk to someone about it and I guarantee you will feel a lot better.

Here are some resources for you from our website:
• Healthy relationships-
      http://www.youngwomenshealth.org/healthy_relat.html
• Healthy friendships-
      http://www.youngwomenshealth.org/friendship.html

And one more thing: If you feel like your issues are too much to handle please make sure you talk to your parents or another trusted adult in your life!

.:Erica:.